Welcome to the first Milk Mama Diaries Carnival (March). To celebrate National Women’s Month, our participants share how breastfeeding has changed them as a woman. Please scroll down to the end of this post and check out the other carnival participants.

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There were quite a few things that I really wanted to be “when I grow up”.

I wanted to be a doctor.  Check, I was able to get a medical education in one of the nation’s top medical schools, pass the board exams, trained and qualified to be an ophthalmologist.

I wanted to be a wife.  Check.  I got married to the man I love and who I know loves me.

I wanted to be a mom.  Check.  I got pregnant a month after the wedding.

But then I quickly realized that having a baby and BEING a mom is really not the same.

Being a mom means making decisions that would affect the well being of your baby.  One of those decisions was what to feed your baby.

I chose to breastfeed. And it was a decision I was so proud of.

I chose to breastfeed despite all the pain I had at the start, when E and I were still getting the hang of breastfeeding.  The engorgement, the cracked and bleeding nipples, the pain (I know, I’m repeating myself here), not to mention the times that you feel that you’re so tied down especially when there’s a growth spurt, when the baby doesn’t seem to want to unlatch at all!  But I plodded on, believing that this is the best food for my baby and this is the only time that I get to give it to him.

I chose to breastfeed despite advise to the contrary by well meaning friends and relatives, especially when my baby wasn’t close to being the chubby baby that is the ideal of TV commercials here in the Philippines.  My baby would be the lampayatot baby, the one who didn’t drink the right milk, take the right vitamins…you get the picture.  But I still believed that I was giving him much more than what others give me credit for.  The right nutrients in the right amount, at the right temperature and other things besides, like IgA antibodies, hugs, cuddles and the comfort of having mommy near.

I chose to give breast milk while I was working, even if breast pumps were expensive and it’s such a hassle to have to pump every so often, and I had to lug around the pump everywhere I go.

I chose to do so because I felt I was giving my baby the best.  It meant a lot of personal sacrifices, but when I see my baby thrive with only my milk (for the first 6 months of his life anyway, before we introduced solids), I know I made the right choice.

I realized then that breastfeeding has made me a better mom, a mom who can make the difficult decisions and have the willpower to continue with that decision if I felt that I made the right one.  Sure, I’ve probably done it before, when I decided to go into medicine and when I decided to get married.  But this time, I’m doing the decision that would not only affect me, but also affect a little baby who can’t decide for himself and would depend on his parents to make all the right choices.

I know it was the first of many decisions I had to make for my child…and I better make the right ones!

And breastfeeding IS the right choice for me.

So, I made that choice again the second time, when R was born.

And I know that I will always make difficult choices for my kids throughout the time that they are still dependent on me.  I know that I won’t always make the popular choices, but I will always decide on what seems to be best, stick with it (unless it turns out to be wrong, then I will change it).

I really “grew up”.  As a mom.  As a woman.  I realize that making crucial choices, one of which is what to feed your newborn, entails strength, confidence and decisiveness, which is a hallmark of a mature adult.  I think I am one now.

Image was first published in the 1^st (1876–1899), 2^nd (1904–1926) or 3^rd (1923–1937) edition of Nordisk familjebok. The copyrights for that book have expired and this image is in the public domain.

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Please take the time to read the other carnival entries.

Tags: baby, breastfeeding, mommy